Testimonial: Wait for me, I'm coming!

Since my young adult life, I have lived at full speed. I work full time, I have another part-time job, I am sometimes in a relationship or single, I meet, I go out, I play Frisbee on a team, I ride a motorcycle, I skydive, I train, I train and I have cystic fibrosis, which involves a variety of other activities that are a little less fun. In short, there is nothing to stop me and I like my life that way! Although I have the privilege of being surrounded by amazing family and friends, I feel alone. Only one can truly understand this way of doing things, this urgency to live. Sometimes I feel judged by the people who love me, but I understand them; they want me to save up so they can keep me with them as long as possible. It's true that this lifestyle is sometimes exhausting, but it feeds me, nourishes me, makes me feel alive. My psychologist would tell you that I am “hyperactive and intense a tick above everyone else.” I quite agree with her (it makes me smile). I always tell my lover, who is worried about me, as well as my friends and family, that I would much rather live 15 years younger and continue to live to the fullest than sit on my couch watching the lives of others pass by. I know they don't really get it... or maybe I'm being a bit selfish? But today, I have to live for myself. Here I am at 30 and everything changes.

My health is wasting away, my hospital stays are more frequent, my treatments heavier, I feel more tired, very short of breath and I can't even laugh anymore without a fit of cough. But what is happening to me? I thought I was invincible... I lost my passion. I am a bit panicky, struck by the harsh reality of the disease, which I had left to sleep in a small corner of my brain. I need to change my lifestyle, slow down, much to my dismay. New boundaries are being imposed on me and the very proud girl in me is rebelling; everything has changed. I am beginning a new chapter in my life: retirement. In fact, I am far from comfortable with this term; let's say “extended leave” instead (whew! I am already more comfortable...). Little did I know, only three or four years ago, that I would start this stage so early in my life. But this reality was forced upon me out of the blue, and a whole range of emotions took hold of me: frustration, stress, fear, a very unpleasant feeling of being useless and lazy, a lack of self-worth and all that. The prospect of a lung transplant is approaching and frightening me, but it also gives me wings; I want to live and enjoy it as much as possible according to my abilities, before I get there. Nevertheless, I asked myself the question: “What do you do with your life when you are 30 and you no longer work? ” So I focused my thoughts on this point and told myself that I would live this stage to the fullest, seeing it more as an opportunity to live differently.

So I decided to put my time to good use, to explore new activities, to volunteer my time, but above all... to travel. What an incredible feeling of freedom to be far away, to feel out of place, without the hassles and the weight of daily life! It is so good to get away for a while... When I travel, I find my passion for a moment; I feel alive, amazed, free from a burden, and that's fantastic! So my new passion: to travel! I've always wanted it, but that desire has intensified over the past year. The trip to Greece that I made with my lover really gave me the sting. Today, I not only want but need to surpass myself and see the world! So last fall, I continued my adventures in Peru. I shared my life with a Québecer of Peruvian origin for almost seven years and fell in love with his family, language and culture. I had to see this country. When I heard last summer that Machu Picchu (the icon of Peru, an Inca site very popular with tourists and protected by UNESCO) was going to be closed to the public for a few years, I couldn't wait any longer. I've been dreaming about it for eleven years! Moreover, as this country is at altitude, it was now or never, while I still felt capable of it.

However, I had to talk to the doctors about it, take some tests and take some precautions. I never thought I would have to ask anyone for advice to go on a trip and, in addition, that I would have to choose my destination carefully. This new limit that was added to the list made me think a lot and, in the end, only reinforced this urgency to live that I live in. That said, I told two of my friends about my project and shortly after, the three of us were flying to this country. Since Peru is a very mountainous country, we had to plan our trips carefully in order to acclimatize to the altitude as we went to the next level.

In fact, that was the biggest challenge of the trip. Altitude sickness is very common among travelers and can be very difficult to tolerate, even for healthy people. So I kept my fingers crossed that everything would be fine. We have visited everything, we have traveled all over the country. As I believe that when traveling, you should try traditional foods and try new things, I ate guinea pig, served whole and well-roasted, as well as alpaca, a cousin of the lama. It was a rewarding experience, but one that will remain unique. Arriving in the city of Arequipa, I started to feel a bit unwell. We were at an altitude of 2,350 meters. There, my heart was beating at about 145 beats per minute at rest. Any effort required a lot of energy. I was not feeling well at all and, I can admit it today, I was a bit freaked out. Even when I was lying in bed at night, my heart did not give itself a break. Nevertheless, I was very lucky — both my friends are nurses; I felt safe in a way. I drank a lot of coca leaf infusions, whose benefits are known to alleviate altitude sickness, but nothing helped. In addition, given my lung condition, I could not take Diamox, a medication that most travelers take to counter these unpleasant symptoms. In this city, we walked a lot, but the effort was sustainable. The penultimate stop on our journey was the city of Puno, located 3,830 meters above sea level. We had just reached the highest level of our trip. From this city, we went to Lake Titicaca, the highest lake in the world.

There we met the Uros people, who live on floating islands. Then, we were taken to Taquile Island, a small island high up in the air. The attraction of this island lies at its summit, from which you can see Bolivia in the distance. The ascent of the island is done on foot and takes about an hour, on a more or less maintained and fairly steep trail. I had a lot of trouble getting to the top; I was trying to follow my friends, but I couldn't — I was deeply frustrated! I was very hot, my heart was beating wildly, I was coughing a lot, and I was so short of breath that I couldn't take a few steps without having to take a break, not to mention the weight of the backpack being felt. The tourists' gazes bothered me. I finally reached the summit, only a few minutes after my friends, but at the end of my strength. It was worth it: the view from up there was breathtaking, the costumes of the inhabitants fantastic and the food was delicious.

However, I had a great feeling of fear, since the next morning, we planned to climb Wayna Picchu, the mountain that leads to Machu Picchu. It is a trekking of about seven hours, called the “Inca Trail”, on steep, improvised paths along the mountain wall, with our big backpacks containing our luggage and our food for two days, not including, for my part, my compressor and all my medication. I did not think I could do it and, despite myself, although I had undertaken this trip expressly to climb this mountain, I was determined to give up, to join my friends further away, already overcome by failure. Returning from Lake Titicaca, we flew to Cuzco, the most wonderful city in Peru. That evening, consulting my guide, I realized that the next day, we were going to go down to a height of about 2,800 meters. A glimmer of hope was then born in me. When morning came, already feeling less out of breath, I decided to gather my courage in both hands and go for it: I was going to face the mountain...

I cannot describe to you how difficult this ascent was. The paths were so narrow that we had to walk in line one way or another. I set short goals and tried as best I could to stay between my friends and the couple who were with us; I certainly didn't want to be the last! These two people who accompanied us were young doctors and they had to stop as often as I did. It gave me courage and even more will to continue this adventure. Well, believe it or not, I made it to the top of the mountain at the same time as everyone else! Arriving at my destination, I was blown away, not by the effort, but by the panorama: the famous and mysterious lost city, Machu Picchu, was rising in front of us. The landscape was spectacular, grandiose, so vast that it enveloped us.

Finally, I was there... There was, there, in front of my eyes, this portrait, this photo so often illustrated to represent Peru, the Inca city at the foot of these mountains representing the lying face of an old man. I felt exhilarated, filled with a fabulous sense of accomplishment, pride, and peace. My friends were impressed and proud of me; it was at that moment, on the mountain, that I understood that everything was possible, that nothing was forbidden to me. For me, this was one of the most beautiful, but above all, one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. It gave me courage and determination, and strengthened my self-esteem. It is to experience such emotions that I travel, to enrich myself and to feel this excitement that rekindles my flame.

Although everyone tells me that I have already done a lot during my young life and that many could not follow me, I remain insatiable, thirsty for new adventures. I live with the burden of being an eternal dissatisfied person, always in search of pleasure, discovery, trapped in this urgency to live.

Next destination: Egypt!

Caroline Guillotte's testimony

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