Testimonial: Everyone has the right to their own situation...

I will always remember a topic of discussion, back when the Kifar discussion forum still existed (discussion forum managed by the CPAFK, now the organization Living with cystic fibrosis, which allowed exchanges between adults with CF and parents of children with CF). A mother with CF revolted at the attitude of another mother at her child's school. This other mother constantly complained about the colds that her child caught repeatedly, which made her life hell. The mother of the CF child found this attitude completely exaggerated and inappropriate considering the situation she herself was experiencing with her CF child (treatments, medications, hospitalization, etc.). He is an adult CF who, with all the wisdom in the world, explained to him that everyone was entitled to their situation. The mother of the child with multiple colds was right to find her situation difficult despite the fact that millions of situations more difficult than hers occur every second in the world. The mother who asked for empathy was frustrated by this response, but it made me think a lot, even though I was not yet in my follow-up process at the fertility clinic. I understood that regardless of my situation, I needed to be there for my friends who would one day need to talk about their little health issues, even in front of me, who has CF.

With this in mind, after reading testimonies of infertile girls who railed against a friend, sister, or work colleague who became pregnant, I promised myself one thing in my process: the happiness of others would not take anything away from me. Others have the right to their situation, and it is my duty as a friend, as a sister, to rejoice for them. I have a 7-year-old nephew who was born out of an “accident” when we were starting our baby trials and a niece who should be younger than my first child, if it had worked in our first 3 years of trying. I love these children, I have cared for them, and I have enjoyed the time spent with them, without feeling frustrated or resentful. Friends have become pregnant once, sometimes twice, always creating nothing but joy in me.

On infertility discussion forums, I read stories that were full of frustration, for example about abortion. I can understand the injustice of life in these situations, but logically, just because someone has an abortion doesn't mean it will have any impact on my situation. I accompanied a friend who had to go through this difficult process. She was entitled to her situation, to my listening and to my empathy. Despite knowing my situation, she knew that she would not be judged, that I would be there for her.

Remember this, if the situations that others are experiencing are undermining your mood:

• The happiness of others does not take anything away from you.
• Others have the right to experience a difficult situation in their eyes, even if, compared to yours, it seems trivial, of a smaller scale, or downright unfair.

These 2 ways of looking at life allow us to move forward more peacefully.