Testimonial: Egg donation: how to approach the issue with loved ones?

Of course, my close circle of friends was aware of my actions in recent years. Sometimes we talked, over a glass of wine, egg donations and surrogate mothers. It's easy to talk about it and even consider it when there are no real issues.

But when the situation arises, it seems like the glass of wine is missing from the discussion and there is nothing as relaxed about the subject. I didn't want to impose anything, I didn't want to put pressure on, and I wanted my friends to feel completely comfortable making the decision that their heart dictated to them. Donating an egg to someone you know is not a decision to be taken lightly. In any case, the donor, Chéri and I will have to meet with a psychologist who will really assess whether we are comfortable with the procedure to be taken.

To discuss the subject with my potential donors, I simply explained where I had reached in my efforts, and let them fill the silence I left after the sentence, “I am looking for a donor...”

Well, let me give you a portrait of the girls I was comfortable “asking.” I have a friend who is breastfeeding her last 3 months old, another who has just had her pregnancy test positive, another who refuses to take any hormones in her life, and another, the only one without “constraint or reluctance”, in my opinion. I was surprised and grateful to see that the first two were quite open, but not before 1 year, while they were taking care of THEIR baby, of course! However, with Bill 20 threatening to be adopted in the coming months, I have a lot of difficulty in considering such a long wait...

So stay the one without “constraint or reluctance.” At the beginning, she is very open to starting the process fairly quickly. To start, a donor needs to do basic tests (HIV, hepatitis, and other STDs). Second, I wanted genetic testing to know what to expect; yes, there is CF, but there is everything else as well. Meetings with the psychologist follow and only after these steps can we start (we are talking about 3-4 months, the time to go through all that). I had given all the information on the procedure to this friend, it was up to her to make the first appointments.

After a few weeks of waiting, speaking with her, I understand that no appointment has been made, and that the decision is not as simple as the few times we talked about it. His questions, which were entirely legitimate, were deepened once faced with the concrete situation.

How should she react to this child later?

Are we explaining his origins to this child or not?

And if I was not a good mother in her eyes for this child, if I started to beat him, for example, how would she react?

If she has other children, and mine and hers fall in love, what do we tell them?

In short, lots of questions that need to be answered before entering this process. I put myself in his shoes, and asked myself if I would make this gift. My own answer to that question wasn't even as clear as I expected her to be. It was at that moment that I understood that I would not continue my efforts in this direction. It's a lot to ask a person to take on all these steps and their implications, for me, for my selfish happiness...

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