Testimonial: One kilometer at a time

Hello, my name is Sophie Jacob, a happy young woman aged 34, a truck driver and a social media presenter. I am also the author of the book One kilometer at a time. I was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis at the age of 6 months, and I managed to overcome the odds to finally enjoy my presence in this beautiful universe. But the path was not rosy...

After an incredible adolescence, I became an agitated young woman. I had a lot of dreams to achieve, but being a victim of cystic fibrosis, I could not find the means to fulfill myself, or to thrive. I couldn't live like other young women my age. I was single, unstable, and unemployed. I was also angry, furious at the numerous failures, and at spending too much time in the hospital. I didn't accept being born under a bad star.

In 2006, my behavior and my depressive state led me to see doctors for a reason other than CF. After meeting with a psychiatrist for a few minutes, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. The reason was very simple! For several years I had been experiencing ups and downs, moments of elation interspersed with moments of depression. Life was not easy, especially with CF.

From that moment on, a new struggle was added, that of understanding the meaning of my pain, and adjusting my new medication to not live like a vegetable. Each appointment with a psychiatrist made me even more depressed, always going back to the past to relive bad memories. My soul was dying in an increasingly sick body.

One fine morning, as I watched my life pass by twiddling my thumbs, a thought had crept into my head without asking for welcome. She kept telling me: “You are a victim of your misfortune.” It was a long time, but I finally understood the meaning... The only reason I had died in a sick body was because I convinced myself that my life would be all about that.

This revelation brought me something new, conscience, then ambition. I was now determined to change the way I think about my life, and even more so to make my dreams come true. I was going to stop being afraid of being sick before I was sick, and I was going to live. It was not easy, but faced with each obstacle, I said to myself “one step at a time” regardless of the size of the step. When I fell, I caught my breath and got up. When others tried to pull me back, I ran away... straight ahead! My decision was made, I was going to respect the commitment I had made in my heart. I was going to be a truck driver. But, this long journey required me to do great introspections...

As I went along, I realized that because of the many bereavements we have to deal with on a regular basis with CF, I had accumulated a lot of sadness and disarray. Because of the failures, and sometimes the rejection, I had accumulated frustration and disappointment. Because I was sick, I saw myself as an imperfect human. But hell! Are there really perfect humans? My perception of life was flawed, and it wasn't because I was “bipolar.” It was because I was emotional, and I didn't know how to channel my emotions.

One thing I've also realized in my healing process is that emotions don't come from situations, but from our interpretations and experiences. When people compare themselves to me and say “Oh, I should stop complaining, you are living a lot worse with CF”, that's completely wrong! The emotion that comes from his obstacle is the same emotion that comes from mine. If this person cannot channel this emotion properly, their problem can cause them to suffer much more than I suffer from CF!

What is different is not CF, it is not the obstacle, but our ability to interpret it properly, and to bounce back! The fight is not physical... The fight is internal, and it is experienced every day, for everyone.

Recognizing this, I had no choice but to stop seeing myself as a CF victim. I also changed my perception of others. If I, when I am emotional and about to overflow, consciously or unconsciously, I change my perception of people, situations and I change my behavior to protect myself... it's the same for others! We are all human. And our reactions to situations don't just depend on whether we're good or bad! They also come from our experiences, and from our interpretations.

From that moment on, I started to forgive people who did not behave in harmony with me (without keeping them in my life). I have forgiven the people who have hurt me, and I have forgiven myself for the harm that I may have done as well. We all want to be happy, but it's a complex conquest that can quickly get mixed up when our emotions get mixed up.

Today, I am much more calm and serene. I don't take things personally anymore. I give myself the right to express myself clearly, because I am not perfect, I am human. I managed to get rid of my heavy load of negative emotions, and now I have free arms to gather happiness. Above all, it is much easier now to make decisions, and to go for the things I love, even with CF.

I take the moments one at a time, minute after minute, as they are. I don't anticipate the obstacles of tomorrow, because life is lived today and it is full of surprises, opportunities and twists and turns. I allow myself to put my knee on the ground when I am out of breath, but always in order to get up. My head is full of projects, and an ambitious heart to succeed and to give. I did not achieve this by having better physical health, but by having a lot healthier thoughts.

Regardless of the obstacles, and the disease to be fought, victory is won from within. Love and happiness come from the heart, we will not find them either in our feet or in the neighbors...

At the dawn of 2016, I am realizing all the things I have achieved in 10 years. I have fulfilled my dream of becoming a truck driver, I have crossed almost every American state and Canadian province, I have traveled, I have written a book, I have an understanding and unparalleled employer, and I have an amazing family and friends. All of this was unthinkable in 2006, and yet possible, because I did it.

If I could do it, so can you. We are all human, imperfect, striving for happiness. Be happy, your health will make you happy. It is a great gift to give yourself in this coming new year.

Sophie Jacob's testimony‍

‍St-Eustache (Quebec)

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