Testimonial: After the 24th week, the anxiety does not go away

When I crossed the 24^E week into pregnancy, I felt so relieved. Now, my babies were viable, should any situation requiring delivery occur.

It is with the heart of the party that I show up at my pregnancy follow-up.

But unluckily, I am dealing with Dr. Panic at this appointment...

She explains to me right away that it is far from being won, even as I am about to go through the most critical period of my pregnancy. If a glitch had occurred before 24 weeks of pregnancy, for her, it would have been a lesser evil: the babies would simply have died. But now, if they decide to leave in the coming weeks, it is indeed a problem (high risk of various morbidities that can affect them in the long term).

This raw reality plunges me into a state of mind miles away from the party...

I signed up for antenatal aquafitness classes, what does Dr. Panique think? Really not a good idea: in this kind of class, you jump on the spot, the babies risk putting pressure on my cervix and potentially putting me into labor. In addition, at the beginning of September, it is the start of school, and this kind of place is full of children carrying millions of germs: if I catch a cold, with my already precarious lung situation, I may be hospitalized. According to her, I should occupy my time rocking myself in the coming weeks. In short, don't move too much.

I left this appointment completely demoralized, I who was beginning to believe that my chances of meeting my babies one day were real, she puts doubt in my head again and puts into place all the fears I have had since the beginning of my pregnancy.

In addition, I am completely frustrated that I am reduced to doing nothing all day. I understand the issues, and I don't want to put my babies' lives at risk. But to see Chérie working hard on home renovations and not being able to participate in them demoralizes me. In addition, every time I try to help, he reminds me of the challenges (he too is afraid of the possible consequences of my hyperactivity) and asks me to stay calm.

Between you and me, I am experiencing another frustration, that of not being told to do less when it comes to household chores. I have the impression that this reprimand is only valid for activities that I really want to do.

I am beginning to notice that I am not living this pregnancy calmly. Always in anxiety, fear and frustration. Even though I wanted it more than anything, it's hard for me to feel good in my body and mind.

When I talk to people around me about it, I have the impression that I am being used empty phrases like: Well no, don't worry, I'm going to be fine. What I hear when someone says that to me: “You're worried about nothing fat girl, you're not right to feel this way, just appreciate how lucky you are to be pregnant, rock yourself up and stop complaining.”

This episode in my life taught me at least one thing about caring and listening relationships. The person entrusting you with something DOES NOT NECESSARILY WANT TO HAVE YOUR OPINION! She simply wants to feel listened to, and to be told that she has the right to experience what she is going through.

The pregnancy stories of my friends seem to be nothing but stories of well-being and happiness in the face of this life that is growing within them. I feel bad, I don't like pregnancy (or rather the constant fear it causes me to experience), I don't like the restrictions it imposes on me, and my body evolves so quickly with 2 babies.

I feel guilty for thinking like that... But I keep that to myself, I feel so ungrateful to have these thoughts...

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