Testimonial: To be happy or to cultivate happiness

My name is Manon Fontaine and I am 58 years old. At the age of 43, after a few persistent lung problems and my sister's diagnosis of cystic fibrosis, I too received the same diagnosis. In December 2005, cancer appeared. I have breast cancer with bone and liver metastasis. Six years ago, I shared this situation by writing an article in this journal. Today, I am sharing with you my current health situation, but also my state of being and the ways in which I can deal with all this, while being happy.

I am followed up at the Hôtel-Dieu hospital for cystic fibrosis and at the Sacré-Coeur hospital, in oncology, for cancer. Fortunately, my cystic fibrosis situation is fairly stable. I develop a lung infection requiring antibiotics about every fifteen months and my respiratory capacity remains satisfactory. For a little over three years I have had to take digestive enzymes. Given the diagnosis of cancer, medical follow-up has intensified since breast cancer involves the risk of metastasis to the lungs. As far as my cancer situation is concerned, the liver metastases have completely resolved since November 2006. Metastases in the pelvis and dorsal and lumbar vertebrae decreased somewhat during the ten months of chemotherapy treatments received following diagnosis and have remained relatively stable since then. The tumor in my breast was not removed because practice does not favor surgery when there is metastasis.

This situation, which is not always easy, did not lessen my desire to be happy. On the contrary, I have become more determined to do everything in order to make the most of my life and it seems that I have made the right decision, since I was diagnosed with this diagnosis more than seven years ago!

I have always been an energetic and positive person. I can feel this energy inside of me and it was my beacon during chemotherapy treatments, because I was still quite fit despite everything. Moreover, with a touch of humor, I often say that if I am dying, it is happening without my knowledge! In fact, I made the decision that the disease would not decide for me what I wanted to do and I continued to work during the first six months of chemotherapy. It must be said that I had the energy to do it — I would not have put my health at risk! I was fortunate to have a human and accommodating work environment. I returned to work after a few months of sick leave and finally retired in September 2009.

Even though I have a propensity for happiness, I sometimes experience significant periods of anxiety, especially when I am waiting for the results of bone, liver, and breast exams or other tests to make sure there are no cancer cells that have grown in any other part of my body. For example, I had never been worried about the results of a chest x-ray. Well now it's happening to me! I had to look for and experiment with different means or approaches to regain balance. From the start of this adventure, I understood that I needed to be fully involved. It is very relevant to have a competent doctor and for the relationship of trust to be established and I am well served, both in oncology and in cystic fibrosis, but I have to do the maximum for myself. As a result, I have improved the quality of my diet even though I consider that I have always had healthy eating habits. I increased my consumption of fruits and vegetables and decreased my consumption of red meat and sugary foods. Although metastasis in my bones limits my ability to do some physical activities, I have remained active: I walk, play golf, travel more often, and continue to garden. But that was the easy part!

I needed more discipline to regularly introduce meditation, visualization, and a state of consciousness into my life that allows me to live in the moment. In the article I published six years ago in the SVB, I mentioned that these ways allowed me to discipline my thoughts and, therefore, reduce my anxiety. But I am constantly discovering the strength and depth of the state of well-being that it gives me. For example, I regularly do a meditation that focuses on breath or breathing. By taking a good abdominal breath and exhaling slowly, I focus completely on the movement of the breath. It's simple, effective, and puts the mind in neutral, and when the mind is neutral, so are apprehensions and fears.

I also do directed meditation, thanks to the viewing of compact discs, which gives me great relaxation.

At the beginning of the cancer outbreak, I did visualization sessions every day. I visualized all the parts of my body affected by the disease being restored or I visualized myself healthy in a quiet and serene place with a few years older, so living for a long time to come. It's my way of staying positive and staying focused on my goal: to live as long and happy as possible. Finally, for me, it is the exercise of being fully present at events that impresses me the most, because its impact is powerful. Not only does it reduce anxiety or fear, but there is no judgment or analysis that takes place in our head, there is only self-presence.

For example, we live a few minutes from a forest and my spouse and I went there regularly over the years to walk, bike or cross-country ski. Since I have enjoyed practicing being totally present, these walks in the woods with our dog have become the most powerful remedy I know to find calm and serenity. No need to talk. All we have to do is contemplate the sky, nature or what is in front of us. There is an incredible force of healing that amazes me in the silence and nature. I have never taken so much time to enjoy what is around me; I remain grounded in reality, but I am becoming contemplative. Inner calm is greater and happiness is more accessible to me. It's so simple, but so powerful!

Finally I have the privilege of being well surrounded. My spouse, our son, my family and my friends have always taken a positive attitude to my health condition, without denying the reality. I am happy to have a wonderful friend who has accompanied me most often, since the beginning of this adventure, to a treatment that I receive at the hospital every three weeks. Although this treatment was not inconvenient, it became an opportunity for us to spend time together. I believe that when this episode of my life comes to an end, I will not have won or lost my fight against the disease. I would rather have taken the opportunity to live my life mindfully!

Manon Fontaine's testimony