Testimonial: Burnout, or how do you get along during this break

It's a completely banal anecdote that makes me go crazy at work. My colleagues then suggest that I go home and rest, telling me that it's not normal to cry and be on edge like that for a minor event.

I get the message, and I get a paper from the doctor for a sick leave. In all, this arrest will have lasted 3 months, and I will take the opportunity to do inseminations #4 and #5. I told myself that being at rest would make the numerous appointments less stressful. But between these appointments, I only had energy to do puzzles and listen to TV. Looking back, I say to myself: what a deplorable environment to attempt a child's soul floating in the universe to come and make a nest in us! But when you're in it, you always tell yourself that the next time will be the right one and that's going to solve all your problems. Well yes, well yes, as if it were desirable for life to work like that! So no need to tell you that trials #4 and #5 didn't work...

However, I did a lot of work during these 3 months. The question from the therapist who made me work hard: where do you see yourself in 5 years, your ideal world? My answer was on my own farm, with my family (I will come back later on my interest in the agricultural world). It was far from being the path I had taken on the work side! But it made me realize that I would not be a good role model for my children because I was not able to believe in my dreams and pursue them. For me, the role of a parent for his child is to teach him to be happy, and that had to happen through me; it was not for them to make me happy, but for me to become happy by my own means.

I went back to work in December 2010, but with a deadline: I would quit my job in August 2011 to go back to school. In the meantime, everything went well, my husband was going to finish his high school diploma in December 2011, but had already found a job in his field (he combined studies and work for 8 months). Our work progressed well during the summer of 2011, only finishing elements remained to be done (but that never ends!)

The option we had left in the fertility clinic was in vitro fertilization. I was afraid of these steps, I was not ready, I did not have the energy to go through this. So it was a real break that we gave ourselves with my return to school.

What helped me drop out? An encounter with a fortune-teller! She confirmed that I would have 2 children one day, but did not want to tell me how. I know that there is absolutely nothing tangible about it, but it gave me confidence in life, that one day life will do things well, when I am ready to live them. And definitely now was not the right time. This encounter did me as much good as all my appointments with the psychiatrist. It is not the nature of the process that counts, but how one feels with it; for me, I was free of doubt, of uncertainty.

‍