Testimonial: Letting go: a tenacious myth in infertility journeys

Here, I would like to say to anyone who has a friend who is having trouble getting pregnant that telling her a damn letting go story is the worst thing you can do.

You know, the aunt who comes to tell us that a friend of his had been trying to get pregnant for 1000 years and that it finally happened when she finally threw herself into her real passion for collecting albino Egyptian spiders; in addition, she had a memorable orgasm during conception. Man, your story just makes us feel even more guilty for not being able to let go.

In fact, “advising” someone to let go is like telling someone who has just lost a loved one to grieve, that afterwards they will feel better.

Hey gang, it's not rationally “letting go”, it's lived, that's all. It's like mourning, you have to go through the different stages (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance).

If you go back to my text on adoption in Quebec, you will see that the information session with the DPJ will take place 2 days after my blood test. I already knew that adopting mixed banking would allow me to reach my goal. I no longer really believed in my chances of conceiving. I think that, more or less consciously, during my 3^E IVF I had let go, I had accepted to move on with the pregnancy.

I remember talking to a friend...

Me: What I find most difficult about grieving is not not carrying my child, I have never really cared because with CF, I know that pregnancy could be difficult and dangerous. What I find difficult in mourning is giving up the easy way.

She, surprised: Do you find the procedures in a fertility clinic easy?

Me: No, of course, but adoption is a whole different challenge. I must be doubly prepared to deal with all the emotional and psychological problems of the child. I must train differently as the future mother of a child who will have suffered physical or emotional deficiencies. But I am ready and motivated to put in the energy that it takes to become that mom.

So, we come back to the moment when I call Chéri:

Me: Hello darling, it's me, is it okay?

Him: I love you and: you are pregnant!! You need to call the clinic again to make an appointment for an ultrasound!

Well let's see, I CAN'T BELIEVE!!!!!

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